Tena – Day 3: A Spiritual Hangover
TENA
Day 3: A Spiritual Hangover
October 17, 2025
PART I
I woke up feeling incredibly light. Puking my guts out might have had something to do with that, but this felt like something else entirely. My body was exhausted, yet my mind was strangely quiet – no racing thoughts, no restless need to analyse the night before, just a deep and unfamiliar calm. Like I was floating.
It was a spiritual kind of lightness, as though something I hadn’t realised I was carrying had finally been drawn out of me and left somewhere in the jungle. Whether that came from the ayahuasca brew, the ceremony, my own mind or some combination of all three, I couldn’t say. All I knew was that the visions no longer felt like random fragments of a psychedelic trip. They felt like pieces of something I now had to make sense of.
Making Sense of the Visions
I headed downstairs to find Dorijan, Brian and Leo waiting for me. We were going to have a debriefing and interpretation session, which basically meant recounting our visions to Leo so he could help us make sense of them. I went first. After I told him everything I’d seen, felt and thought, he went through the experience sequentially:
- The static animals and plants: According to Leo, animals and plants appearing during a ceremony can be understood as spirits of the jungle revealing themselves. Each one may carry a lesson or some form of protective energy. Jaguars and serpents, for instance, are often associated with power, courage and transformation. Leo interpreted the seemingly random flora and fauna as the jungle introducing me to its spiritual ‘library’, something he said healers may encounter at the beginning of their journey.
- The blossoming flower and geometric figures: Leo interpreted the flower opening as a reflection of my psyche unfolding. The progression from something soft and organic into vivid geometric patterns suggested a movement from the emotional and personal towards something deeper and more universal. Geometric imagery is also commonly reported during psychedelic experiences, although the meaning assigned to it remains personal. Leo considered the brightness and intensity of the colours a positive sign.
- The encounter with Pachamama: Pachamama is the Andean embodiment of Mother Earth, associated with creation and destruction, growth and decay. Leo interpreted her stern demeanour as a representation of truth, not the comforting kind, but the kind that strips away illusions. She wasn’t there to coddle me. She was there to teach. According to him, this marked the point when the ceremony stopped being purely visual and became something more personal.
- The cleansing ritual: Leo described the sucking and blowing as forms of energetic extraction and infusion. With that process, he removed negative energy before replacing it with balance and something lighter. The herbs, chakapa and ícaros helped guide that exchange. For me, however, the emotional significance went beyond the metaphysical explanation. I had allowed myself to feel vulnerable and to trust somebody else to take care of me. The ritual carried an almost parental intimacy, allowing me to feel received in a way that was perhaps missing from my normal life. It made me recognise how self-reliant, resilient and strong I had become. It wasn’t self-pity so much as self-recognition. Feeling at one with the jungle and the earth represented a kind of re-grounding. I hadn’t escaped reality – I had reconnected with it.
- The altar: Leo associated the altar with power, sacred balance and a sense of grounding drawn from the earth. The Amazonian figures surrounding it could represent parts of me or, within his spiritual interpretation, entities reinforcing my strength after the cleansing. Either way, the altar appeared after the most emotionally intense part of the ceremony, suggesting a return to order after chaos.
- The return to black: Finally, the visions disappearing into ordinary darkness represented closure. Leo interpreted it as my consciousness returning to my body and everything I had experienced beginning to settle into place. The contrast between the vivid imagery and the sudden blackness marked the end of the journey and the beginning of its integration into normal life.
Leo then told me that I was more connected to the jungle than ever and that I could tap into its power whenever I needed it. I couldn’t help but smile. I knew these were interpretations rather than objective truths, and I still didn’t necessarily believe in the metaphysical side of it all. Still, I had become more spiritual throughout my travels, and if this was one way of making sense of my visions, then so be it. Especially since everything seemed to bode rather well for me.
When a Vision Becomes a Warning
Unfortunately, the same couldn’t be said for Dorijan. He’d had a rough trip – something I could tell judging from the way he had been acting during the ceremony.
His visions had taken him to a strange cross between a train station and a casino, filled with deafening noises and flashing lights that sent him into a panic. Desperate to escape, he tried to board one of the many trains that seemed to be arriving and departing. When he eventually chose one, its doors closed before he could get on. He then somehow found himself inside a church, standing directly before Jesus Christ. That was apparently when he vomited, after which he experienced several more hallucinations that he couldn’t properly remember.
Leo interpreted the train station and closed door as a warning that something difficult would happen to Dorijan in the near future – most likely that he was gonna get seriously sick. The religious vision, meanwhile, suggested that he might eventually need to seek refuge in something greater than himself, though not necessarily organised religion. To Leo, this didn’t seem like a big deal, after all, he was now supposedly better prepared to face it!
That interpretation unsettled me more than the vision itself. Telling a 23-year-old that something so bad was gonna happen to him felt needlessly ominous. The shaman could’ve worded it differently, no? First of all, Dorijan had spent four days preparing for the ceremony, making the intensity of his experience feel especially unfair. Second, he was only 23 and had an entire life ahead of him. Of course something difficult would eventually happen to him. Difficult things happen to everyone! Third, my own glowing interpretation must’ve felt like a slap in the face.
As soon as we were dismissed, I took him aside and told him exactly that. At his age, he was inevitably gonna experience difficult periods, just as we all do throughout our twenties and every decade that follows. But he was also gonna experience incredible highs. There were no prophecies or guarantees here. There was just life, with all its unpredictable beauty and difficulty.
A few minutes later, I received the news that the HST positions had opened and I could apply for my next training post. Maybe the bright future Leo had promised me was already appearing before my eyes. A few minutes after that, Dorijan’s phone fell and broke into pieces. Maybe the difficult times Leo had predicted were beginning sooner than expected…
Ceremony or Spectacle?
Now at peace and one with the jungle, I had a couple of hours to myself where I could mull everything over. It was at this point that I started comparing this experience with my previous one.
Much could be said about both ceremonies, but one thing was certain: this one had felt considerably more structured and attentive than the one I’d attended in Iquitos. I could still remember the healer there vomiting, belching, retching, farting and repeatedly flushing the toilet while my guide lay snoring in a hammock. There had been no debriefing or interpretation afterwards. He hadn’t even bothered to ask what I’d seen!
He had also sung chants invoking Catholic figures, which had confused me at the time. Catholic imagery itself wasn’t necessarily inauthentic, since some Amazonian healing traditions combine Indigenous and Christian elements. Without any explanation or context, however, the entire experience had felt gimmicky to me. Here, even if I didn’t accept every interpretation literally, I at least felt that the ceremony had been conducted with care and that somebody had taken the time to help us process what we’d experienced.
PART II
From Ayahuasca to Chocolate
Our next and final activity was something I’d repeatedly told the others I wasn’t gonna do: a chocolate-making tour. I must’ve done around seven of them by that point, usually because they were included in larger tours to places I actually wanted to visit. By now, I could probably have made chocolate with my eyes closed.
While trying to apply for the newly opened HST position, I realised the Wi-Fi wasn’t working. Instead of exploding with frustration, I finally decided to join the others. After eating little more than fruit all day and now feeling incredibly anxious about the application, chocolate was a very welcome consolation.
Brian began with the familiar story that chocolate originated in Mesoamerica, with the earliest known evidence of cacao use coming from the Mayo-Chinchipe culture in what is now southeastern Ecuador – dating back around 5,300 years. Cacao later became deeply embedded within Mesoamerican cultures, including those of the Olmec, Maya and Mexica, more commonly known as the Aztecs. For the Maya and Mexica, cacao was far more than an ordinary food. It was used in rituals, consumed as medicine and, in certain settings, traded as currency.
Ground cacao beans were made into bitter, frothy drinks that could be combined with chilli, honey, maize and other flavourings. When the Spanish encountered cacao during the 16th century, they carried it to Europe, where sugar and other ingredients were gradually added. Milk chocolate came much later, during the 19th century, helping transform cacao into the sweet commercial chocolate we recognise today. Alongside products such as shrimp, bananas and flowers, cacao remains one of Ecuador’s most important exports. The country is particularly known for two major types:
- Nacional, often marketed as Arriba or Arriba Nacional: This is highly valued as a fine-flavour cacao, particularly for its complex fruity and floral aromas.
- Colección Castro Naranjal 51, or CCN-51: This high-yield hybrid was developed in Ecuador and is valued for its productivity and tolerance of disease. It generally produces a stronger, more bitter and less floral flavour than Nacional cacao, which means it is commonly treated as bulk rather than fine-flavour cacao.
Let's Make Some Chocolate
Before starting the actual process, Brian went over the lifecycle of the cacao plant which begins life as a seed, growing into a small evergreen tree in the warm, humid tropics. After three to five years, tiny flowers emerge directly from its trunk and branches, some developing into large cacao pods. Once ripe, the pods are harvested and opened to reveal the seeds, which are then processed to make chocolate.
Brian then explained the simplified chocolate-making process we’d be following. Once the ripe cacao pods are harvested and opened, the beans and their surrounding pulp are placed inside wooden boxes and covered with banana leaves. They are left to ferment for around five to seven days, during which the temperature can rise to approximately 45 to 50 degrees Celsius. This stage is essential for developing the chemical precursors that eventually produce chocolate’s characteristic flavour.
After fermentation, the beans must be thoroughly dried before being roasted. Roasting further develops their aroma and flavour while loosening the shells. The beans are then cracked and winnowed to separate the shells from the cacao nibs. Grinding the nibs releases their natural cocoa butter, gradually transforming them into a thick, flowing cacao paste known as cocoa liquor. Sugar, cinnamon, vanilla and other ingredients can then be added. If making a drink, the resulting mixture can be combined with hot water, while producing a smooth chocolate bar requires additional refining, conching and tempering.
Although I’d gone through the process so, so many times, it was still fun doing it with the group and it was my first time taking down notes. Plus, we got to mix the chocolate with lemongrass, which made it surprisingly tasty.
After the tour, it was time to say goodbye to my new Amazonian friends and to Suchipakari Lodge. Much like at Secret Garden, I wished I could’ve spent a few more days there, especially since I felt I could have seen considerably more wildlife while staying in one of the most biodiverse regions on Earth. Still, perhaps leaving with more to discover wasn’t such a bad thing – I still had more corners of the Amazon left to visit!