Tomorrow
V.II.I
TOMORROW
Tomorrow marks the start of the end. Tomorrow I start my finals. Some seven years ago I decided I wanted to become a doctor. Five years ago I took my first step. Five years of hard work. Five years of learning and studying and practising. Five years of adventures, five years of growth. Five years. All leading to this very moment.
Of course, any other person would be going crazy trying to revise everything right about now, tying any loose ends and making sure everything’s fine tuned. But I don’t work that way. I’ve done the work, now I just gotta perform and hope to do justice to all my efforts. We’ve been told not to worry, that the examiners just want to see that we’re safe doctors. No one knows everything after all. Not to mention that we know way more than we think we know. Nice words – but you know, they’re still finals. You still feel like you’re about to crap your pants when they’re right behind the corner. But that doesn’t matter now. I’d rather be here, reminiscing on all the moments that led to me being here, right here, right now.
My god, I look back at how I used to be and I can barely recognise myself. I’ve changed so much. I learned more than I ever thought would be possible – about medicine, about life. I feel like a completely different person than the one I used to be at the very start of this journey.
Back then, all I wanted to be was a doctor – nothing more, nothing less. Now? Now I’ve become something I never even saw coming. I’m this close to being a doctor. I can just taste it. I’m this close to crossing the finish line. But I feel like I’m so much more than that. Over the past five years I feel as if I’ve broadened my horizons holistically, in ways I never thought would be possible. In ways I never even thought I’d want.
I found my raison d’être. For the first time in my life I was working towards something I wanted to achieve. I learned what it means to persevere, to sacrifice, to push yourself to the extreme. I also found other passions. Travelling has opened my mind to not only different cultures and experiences, I’ve learned how to connect with people all over the world, got to experience a lifetime of adventures, set my eyes on wonders I never thought I’d get to see.
I found out what it means to love and to lose. I grew close to a father I once hated, I watched him suffer and die a slow death, and I learned how to move on. I had relationships with people for whom I care very deeply to this day. I’ve developed incredible bonds and friendships with people I now consider family, and I also lost some of them along the way. I found my voice. I learned how to stand up for myself and for others, how to make my voice heard when the crowd’s silence is roaring. I also found myself. I learned how to love myself, how to appreciate myself, how to improve myself. I also lost myself a couple of times here and there, but I always managed to get back on track – thanks to me and to my support system. But most important of all, I found out what it means to be alive. To be really alive.
And tomorrow, this chapter of my life will start coming to an end. This is what I’ve been working for for years on end. I counted months, weeks and days for this day to come, and now that it’s here, I’m kinda sorry it is. It’s too bittersweet. But enough reminiscing now. Come on, let’s do this!