Panama… well, Panama was exactly everything and nothing like I’d expected it to be. The beaches in Bocas were the very best I’d seen thus far, I could probably say the same about the diving in Santa Catalina, and the capital itself stole my heart, making me wish I lived in one of those beautiful skyscrapers. 

As much as I loved the country, though, it was the time of introspection and all the personal revelations that came along the way that stand out as the highlights:

• • • Reconnecting: Somewhere along the way, I stopped trying to force the trip to fit a rigid itinerary and started listening to my instincts instead. If I was tired, I rested. If a place didn’t call to me, I moved on without guilt. And if something felt right – even if it meant skipping a “must-see” or changing plans last minute – I followed it. It was unsettling at first, letting go of structure after months of planning, but it quickly became liberating. Travelling stopped being about ticking boxes and started being about responding to how I felt in the moment. For the first time in a long while, I trusted myself to know what I needed, and that made the journey feel less like a route to complete and more like a life I was actively inhabiting. I also enjoyed my own company probably a little more than I should have, choosing solitude over other people on most occasions. At least I can say that by the end, I felt like I had fully reconnected with myself, so I guess I can’t blame all the world’s evils on laziness or being asocial… 

• • • Reevaluating: I guess it was here that my mid-midlife crisis came to a climax. Back in Costa Rica, I had suddenly become aware of how limited time is and how much I cherish freedom. With my career goals precluding me from living the pirate life I’d always envisioned for myself and proved I could live on this one trip, I was at an impasse. In Panama, I was forced to reconcile my love for medicine with that of travelling. For a long time, I saw the two as opposites, convinced that choosing one meant permanently giving up the other. But somewhere between dive boats and hammocks, I realised it isn’t that simple. Passion gives direction to freedom, and freedom gives meaning to passion. The challenge isn’t choosing between them, but learning how to let them coexist without one completely eclipsing the other – even if that balance is something I’ll spend a lifetime trying to get right.

• • • Revisiting: The end of my stay in Panama meant a few other things too. No more Pacific Ocean, no more Caribbean Sea, and no more diving (for the time being anyway). In a way, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it’d be. I assumed I’d be devastated, like it’d mark not only the end of an adventure but also the realisation that I might never experience something like this again. But the more I travelled, the more it felt like travelling itself had become easier and the world more accessible, making the idea of returning and doing more feel far more realistic. Instead of moping around, knowing my time in Central America had come to an end and that my gap year would soon follow, I decided to look back on everything I’d experienced and revisit the highlights – which, strangely enough, made me look forward to everything that still lay ahead.

• Distance:

• • • Total walked: 84km
    • Total travelled: 905km

• Books: 
  • • With the End in Mind, Kathryn Mannix
    • Unnatural Causes, Richard Shepherd