The Red Sea – Day 8: The Hardest Silence
THE RED SEA
Day 8: The Hardest Silence
June 29, 2024
Turns out, Amelia and I were gonna spend our last day not talking to each other after all. When we got up to the sound of the PA calling us down to the deck, she didn’t even say good morning. I was seething.
With us having to disembark after breakfast, I had to swallow it all down and pretend as if everything was fine as we went through the usual pleasantries and bid each other farewell. While such goodbyes are usually emotionally charged for me, this time round they were quite dry and brief. I promised Ross I’d try and dive with him in the Philippines eventually. I did my best to tempt Lena and Antida to come to Malta. I wished Frieda all the best with her Antarctic diving. And then I looked at Karl, Kurt and Johan with a pang of jealousy – knowing I’d never, ever have that kind of bond with my family.
Everyone on that boat was so good-natured that I was genuinely gonna miss them and hoped to stay in touch!
A Quiet Trip
After saying salaam to the crew and to Aladin, who had been so great with us, we made our way to the airport – Amelia and I refusing to speak to each other.
We both had to wait an hour or so for our flights, all the while my heart and mind wrestling each other. I kinda wanted to give in and apologise again, as our friendship trumped my pride, but it felt like I’d be compromising something deeper than that. She could’ve been more mature about the whole thing and told me right away that I was bugging her – if that was the whole point after all.
When the time came to board our flights, she came up to me for a hug. I refused. It took everything I had, but I refused. At that point, I felt like I shouldn’t have to put myself down to appease her. She had all the time in the world to make things right, so why leave it for the last second? She had made her choice.
The Message
When she turned her back to me, I couldn’t help but cry. Amelia. My dive buddy. My sister from Utila. My perfect travelling companion. My Dirty Little Elf.
I immediately started drafting an essay on my phone. It wasn’t too late. It couldn’t be. And, as much as I didn’t want to give in, our friendship was so much more important than anything else. At the same time, I didn’t want to sweep our problems under the rug. I wanted to face this so we could come out stronger than ever.
I told her that I cared for her and loved her immensely. I told her that I knew I could be too much sometimes, but also that I wasn’t dispensable, and that our friendship couldn’t just be turned on and off at her request. And her reply? Let’s just say it shocked me. She told me that making jokes at her expense to make others laugh made her feel not only humiliated at times, but also hated. Her shutting me out was the only way she knew to make me stop. It wasn’t necessarily to punish me, but rather to protect herself.
I was simply shocked. I had no idea she felt that way. I had no idea I could make anyone feel that way. Up until that point, I used to tell my friends that I showed my love through insults and what I thought were harmless jokes and comments and they always laughed about it. This, however, made me rethink everything – how crass and obnoxious I could be, our entire friendship, hell, all my friendships.
I apologised to her and told her how much I actually loved and cared for her. She apologised for shutting me out. We both cried our eyes out from different parts of the world. We made peace and promised to do better – for the sake of our friendship. Maybe that’s what real friendship is – not never hurting each other, but caring enough to turn back, face the damage and learn how to love each other better. And man do I love her… Onto the next one Amelia!