UTILA

Mike, a big old burly American guy and long-time resident in Utila, sang some boring, esoteric song that only people tripping on acid seemed to vibe with – although I gotta give it to him, his voice was flawless and powerful. Then it was Jodie’s turn – another divemaster trainee – who sang Part of Your World from The Little Mermaid and had us all look at her, mesmerised by the beauty of her voice and the song alike. Like this it went on, me singing Rihanna’s Umbrella and P!nk’s So What in between, featuring different people who were all able to keep up. 

Until, that is, Danielle told me there’s a three-song limit and that me butchering the songs was against the spirit of karaoke. I would have gladly accepted this were it not for the fact that a couple of guys got to go up on stage at least four or five times, and most of them sucked as much as I did whilst giving a terribly boring performance. My tipping point was when she told me she’d sing What’s Up by the 4 Non Blondes instead of me – despite having had written it down from the very beginning.

You see, I’m generally nice, warm, friendly, and overall a pacifist who hates confrontation. But once a year, I always manage to find just one person who ends up taking the brunt of all my hatred. Just one person whom I can hate upon mercilessly without any limits or boundaries. This year, since I had been travelling all over, I was hard-pressed to find someone who’d merit this position – but somehow, Danielle made the cut. Danielle – this washed-up nobody wearing an incredibly unflattering, skimpy black dress and a pair of worn-out Crocs – clearly couldn’t have made it too far in life. And now, finally having attained the oh-so-acclaimed position of karaoke master (on an island in the middle of nowhere), she uses her decent-at-best voice to cling onto the little power she’s drunk on, feeling superior to everyone else. A false sense of security that probably accompanies her every night as she cries herself to sleep. Was that too Mean Girls of me? Well, I told you – my hatred is limitless.

Aaah, that was so, so therapeutic. As was Mike’s rendition of In the Jungle, which had us all go into a long conga line and dance all around the hostel’s terrace. All smiley and cheery, we decided to call it a night. Here, I debated whether I should have replaced Danielle as my hated person of the year with my roommate.