Reflections: After Malta
During my eight-and-a-half-month trip in Latin America, I had broken many boundaries I never thought I could break. Going back, my challenge would be to keep it up.
I went from a workaholic who prioritised my job over everything else, leaving me a shell of what I could be, to an adrenaline-fuelled badass who climbed mountains and dove into the depths of the ocean. I swore to myself that once I was back, I wouldn’t let all the lessons I’ve learned go to waste. I promised myself that I wouldn’t fall back into the same routines, the same patterns that once took over my life. Yet, it only took a few days for me to be numbed back into submission, despite trying my hardest not to. As I sat writing in my room, I found myself wondering if I could ever find the strength to get my ass off the couch, go out into the real world, and do the things I promised myself I’d do.
I think I felt this way cause I was overwhelmed with the possibilities. In the few days I spent back home, I pushed myself to do new things – like learning how to ride a bike and seeking out diving opportunities. But, with the little time that was left for me, the only thing I seemed to keep up with was my writing. And that wasn’t enough. I wanted more. I needed more. Being on the verge of a mental breakdown, I quickly found myself planning my next adventure – a dive trip in the middle of nowhere. That said, the few weeks I spent back home had me rethinking everything…
- Rediscovering Malta: As much as I had been looking forward to that seemingly final adventure that would bring an end to my gap year, the subsequent weeks had me appreciate what Malta has to offer – with Momma Bear and Poppa Bear’s wedding reminding me it’s not just about going from one adventure to the other. In fact, I was even more excited about coming back from my upcoming trip. With fewer commitments on my hands, I’d make the most of the precious time I’d have left before starting work again. For starters, I’d begin touring around Malta on my shiny ‘new’ bike and explore its countryside in a new way whilst practicing a new skill. I’d also start diving here and get to know the underwater side of the country. I went from thinking of Malta as a prison to somewhere I can actually find my freedom. There is more to this country than traffic, overpopulation, and corruption. Here I could do most things that make me happy – practicing medicine, diving, and writing. And, when these too would seem like they’re not enough, I could always travel and follow that other passion.
- Rediscovering myself: Coming back, I’d have to find a job before I’d continue my training, after which my life would belong to the hospital. If I did end up in the same rut I used to be stuck in – seventy-hour work weeks where it’s all about work, work and more work – I now know that I could get out of it. I could take time off, I could switch specialties, I could work as a doctor elsewhere, or, if worst came to worst, I could do something entirely different. I’d do my best to juggle everything and make time for my other passions, but if I’d find myself drowning, I now knew that there’s more to life than medicine and that I could get out of it.
It had been some nine months since I had finished my internship and started my gap year. I’d have a few more left before this too would end, and I couldn’t wait to see what I’d make of them and what I’d make of myself after that.