Utila – Week 3, Day 2: The Electrolyte Fad
UTILA
Week 3
Day 2: The Electrolyte Fad
November 28, 2022
Feeling marginally better than the day before, I finally emerged from my room for breakfast. I’d only been stuck inside for a day, but stepping out into the blinding sunshine felt like Christ rising from the tomb.
Upon seeing my sickly pallor, everyone told me I’d need one thing and one thing only – ELECTROLYTES. A holy word in Utila. Here, everyone knows that the water has no minerals. For that reason, everyone is obsessed with electrolytes and mineralised drinks. It’s not just a fascination – it’s pure fanaticism. Hungover? Electrolytes. Cancer? Electrolytes. Mass shootings? Electrolytes. They’re simply the answer to everything.
I tried to Big Pharma my way out of it, telling them a good diet gives you all the electrolytes and minerals you need and that these drinks and vitamin supplements are mostly just a big business. They recommended I should take more electrolytes. I caved and took some electrolytes. Guess what? I still felt like crap. For the first time in months, I ordered a salad and drank my body weight in orange juice. Having given into the whole diet fad, I figured I might as well recruit some good ol’ vitamin C.
I spent my day drifting in and out of sleep, waking up from each nap feeling better and better. The idea that I’d almost gotten over my cold (or COVID, who knows?) quickly abandoned me as I stumbled into the weekly staff meeting. Luckily, my presence there was perfunctory at best, meaning I could just lay low and continue dying in peace. In fact, I could barely pay attention to what Darcy was saying. Being an award-winning PADI Platinum Course Director, her return was much acclaimed. She had just been on holiday and now that she was back, there’d be no fooling around around – or at least, not under her watch.
After that, I retired to my chambers and bid everyone bon soir. Missing out on our usual evening shenanigans two nights in a row was kinda soul-crushing. I felt like a grounded kid, lying in bed while everyone else was out drinking Salvas, playing Cambio, and being generally up to no good.