III.I.II – Moving On
III.I.II
MOVING ON
And life went on. I now had all the time in the world for my studies and for myself. The second semester of our third year in med school is renowned for its trials and tribulations, so this ‘freedom’ seemed to be god-sent. The catch? The ‘me time’ soon started taking over the study time and before you know it, I was lost in yet another self-destructive routine.
Being newly single meant I could test the waters of the ocean that is dating. I could now experiment and have some fun. In fact, one-night stands became somewhat of a hobby to me. At first it was something I needed. It was a form of escapism from my studies and from my break-up. I had tons of super fun dates with people I still talk to this day, and so, I wouldn’t say it was all time wasted. But then? Then it became sort of an addiction. I started seeing people as a means to an end. When you start using people just for the sake of pleasure without giving a crap about what they think and feel, then you realise you’ve hit rock-bottom, even if it’s mutual.
And the worst part? Always, every time, no matter how good it’d be, no matter how passionate and sensual it would be, it never compared to what I had with Pedro. It never could. It felt like I had had a taste of perfection and now second best was all I could expect. Maybe Katy Perry wasn’t quite exaggerating in Thinking of You, huh?
That went on for quite a long while. The further on it went, the crappier I felt. I was using others to numb my pain, to forget all about what I had lost. And so it went on, that is, until the advent of exams, which brought along some much-needed celibacy.
God did I need that. Nine exams in total, this was brutal by anyone’s standards; senior doctors’ included. We’d get grown-ass doctors who’d been working for ages looking at us in horror when we’d mention those two damned words; “third year”. And while it wasn’t as bad as everyone made it out to be, that semester really did take a toll on all of us. I still remember clinging onto a bottle of wine for dear life as I flipped through my books trying to make sense of things and retain as much information as I could in my drunken stupor.
And so, with eyebrows almost fully plucked and my skin all blotched up, exams were soon knocking at my door. But I welcomed them. I was now immersed in a new routine of studying. Much like an athlete regards the Olympics as their chance to shine, so was my attitude towards these exams. I ate, slept and breathed medicine for a couple of weeks and somehow, I felt ready. I never thought this new Marius would be capable of mashing all his lust for life down just until he could get through exams, but one way or another, he managed.
And before you know it, third year was over and done with. I didn’t exactly shine but I can’t say I performed poorly either. And honestly? I was completely fine with it. I now knew there was more to life than medicine. I still wanted to be a surgeon. I still wanted to be an extraordinary one. But there was so much more that I wanted from my life than that. And the now approaching summer was the perfect way for me to indulge in this new mindset.