FOREWORD
FOREWORD
Welcome to my mind all you crazy, beautiful people! Man, this feels weird. So weird! I never wrote for anyone other than myself before. I started writing this during my days in med school from 2015 to 2020, recounting my tales in and out of hospital. Let’s see how this goes…
I pick up a pen and jot down whatever it is I’m feeling at the time. It’s what I’ve been doing all my life. It helps me shape my thoughts, process them, organise them; kinda like my own version of Sherlock’s mind palace – only dumbed down and way more vulgar. In a way, I think that’s how I always manage to remain level-headed. Okay, fine, almost always. And invariably, every single time, I put my pen down with a desire to write more. And then I go on with my life.
But it doesn’t feel quite right. It always feels like there’s some unfinished business. Like there’s so much more left to blurt out. Like my thoughts and feelings are not real if they’re not scribbled down somewhere for posterity. Exactly in the same way one needs to keep their best friend constantly updated on their lives. Only my BFF is just a piece of compact cellulose and it doesn’t reply with ooo’s and aaah’s. Plus, it doesn’t have a mind of its own that can live vicariously through my own experiences, so where’s the fun in that?
Well, as poetic as the idea of confiding in a journal (or a blog) might be, I think John Donne was in the right here. “No man is an island entire of itself…”. You see, for years I used to revel in my own self-perceived individualism; thinking it made me a stronger, more independent person. No man is an island, but this one here could damn well be an entire continent! It was me against the world and for the most part, I thought I was better off for it.
But here’s the thing. I am just now beginning to understand that that’s just a façade some of us put up, a defence mechanism. It’s nothing more than a comfort zone that limits our potential to grow, to be better. It takes strength to be able to let yourself be vulnerable, to let other people in onto your weaknesses. Because, as difficult as it might be to acknowledge, life is all about human connection. And that’s exactly why I am here right now, my back all hunched up; forming a very sexy C shape as I scribble away.
This is more than just a guy recounting the tales of your average med student who somehow managed to become a doctor. This is more than just a guy wanting to do some venting and whining. This is more than just a narcissistic guy who decided to sit down and write about his oh so glamorous life. This is me trying to break down my walls. This is me trying to be as authentic as possible. This is me laying it all out in the open; the darkness and the light within me. My flaws, my imperfections, my fears, my misery. My strengths, my hopes, my passion, my blissfulness. This is me confronting all my experiences and emotions. This is me trying to get the most out of the human experience. This is… well, me.
And the me that I am is an idiot who knows next to nothing about life. You’d think that would stop me from doing this, but as the great Socrates himself would say “The more I know, the more I realize I know nothing.”; meaning my IQ would probably put any Mensa member to shame considering how much I don’t know about life.
This might be a personal exercise more than anything else but, if somehow, in one way or another, someone out there can relate to anything in here, that’s enough for me. And maybe, just maybe, that can make a difference. Because as egocentric as I am, I do hope that this will be a good use of your time.